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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my version of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not all people enjoys being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a clip now and then would be fun for Beth. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?